Hilary Duf – God, love her – is in the joke about her first “dance” moves.
This week, in “baby boomers and cheugs try to keep up with Gen Z trends on TikTok by reporting it days after the fact,” the internet feasted its eyes on the #hilaryduffchallenge. The challenge is for TikTokers to recreate a car accident from a performance by Duff from a 2007 episode of “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” The dead “performance” inside his song “With Love” has the “Younger” star serving small spastic knee twitches under a side bangs and a half-updated beehive. Mom, come get me, I can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, after much angst by me personally, Duff broke his silence by recreating the moment fourteen years later.
My big question here is what’s wrong with her choreographer, who apparently wanted to avoid her in the bowels of YouTube to make fun of forever? Seriously, WHO DID THIS TO HER? Even if you take the Duff out of the situation, the choreography is healing at best. I recognize some of these moves from my high school dance team, especially the squat with the hands in front, the little knee twerk, the little knee twerk, so we can even have a Big-Red-stole-all-his-choreography burglary on our hands.
I have to assume that at the height of Duff’s Disney-facilitated pop stardom, someone must have had the room to hire a very talented and well-known choreographer and chose negligence instead. Maybe it was Disney’s fault “make her a star but subtract the sex appeal, no thrust, no roll, and give her a chastity belt” mandate, but it’s really not that hard to do something cute and awesome without making it look so sexy. Plus, as any good dancer knows, a choreographer’s true gift isn’t spitting out the sharpest, most singular moves ever, but playing to your client’s strengths. Not flexible? Here, do some ground work. No rhythm? We’re going to do nice hip rolls and it’s over. Are you Hillary Duff? Perfect, let’s take some angular steps with strong arms and complicated footwork – you get the idea, don’t you, darling?
And believe me, I’m forever a Hil Duff stan. I’m someone who stood in line for three hours to see Duff’s Metamorphosis tour, so I could shout “LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN” with my best girls, donning our Juicy Velvet alongside our mothers. I deeply love this woman. I’m proud of her for sticking it to the mouse, especially for refusing Lizzie McGuire the sequel because they wouldn’t let her talk about fucking hot divorcees and how much she uses her dildo.
But, sorry, Hilz. Your hips don’t lie. Your choreographer should have let you waltz onstage during the instrumental break and instead had the blood of your singing career on your hands. Reveal yourself. I would like a word.